Tasty- Short Fiction

This was a story that I fired out in a free writing session sometime last year and wanted to get back to. After reading it again and editing it a bit I really liked it and thought I'd share it. I'm curious to hear what associations people make from it as I wrote this more as an exercise in voice and completely off the cuff. Have a peek.

 

 Tasty.

 

I had a bite, even though Dave told me not to. I couldn't help it, I guess. Its not that I was particularly hungry or anything; I just did it. Was it rebellion? Probably.

It was red, and tasted that way, too. Kind of grainy, tangy, but sticky sweet.

I wonder where he got it.

He'll be back at some point, once he finishes work. Not everyone wanted to be a garbage man when they were kids, maybe not anyone.

Dave did.

I have no idea why.

He said he got the thing from a farm near the edge of town at the end of the trash route. No one really goes there because its got what newspapers call a “checkered history.”

Basically, people died there. Not well either.

But then, how do you die well? Getting a bullet on a battlefield? Stepping into a fight and getting knifed for your trouble? Drowning? Eaten? Stroke? Car accident? Are there competitions to see who can die the best?

I wonder what they'd give as a prize.

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Flash Fiction

Here's my crack at Chuck Wendig's writing prompt for a flash fiction story 1000 words or less. I had to use 4 words from a list of eight. The list of words and other writers' entries can be seen here

Enjoy.

 

The crowd of the coliseum thundered and roared as Simon stumbled out of the shadowed entrance of the gate. Chants and calls from a hundred-thousand throats boomed out over the blue-black sand, reverberating off of the rough stone walls and out into the orange sky.

Simon shaded his eyes with his hand and blinked to adjust them to the glare of the open arena. He looked up at the rising tiers of seats and, even though he had no idea where he was, wished that he were someplace else. His shirt was gone, as were his shoes, his socks, his wallet, his watch, and pretty much everything else that resembled normal; but at least he still had his pants. Simon hated being the center of attention and being under the scrutiny of several hundred thousand aliens was already making him uncomfortable; doing it in his underwear would have been unbearable.

An immense screen far above him flickered to life and the crowd noise quieted.

“WELCOME, SIMON,” a voice boomed, his name echoing out across the arena. “YOUR DEATH IS IMMINENT, WHAT HAVE YOU TO SAY?”

“That's rather odd syntax, isn't it?”

“INDEED. NOW YOU MUST CHOOSE YOUR OPPONENTS," the voice bellowed. "SAY THE WORDS."

“What words?” Simon asked.

“THOSE THAT SHALL BE UNTO YOUR ENEMIES.”

Whatever that means, he thought. He shifted his weight, shrugged his thin shoulders and tried to ignore his surroundings. Maybe that would help.

“SIMON.”

He winced.“What?”

“CHOOSE.”

“Choose what?”

“CHOOSE YOUR ENEMIES. YOUR WORDS WILL BREED THEIR EXISTENCE.”

Simon grimaced. “That sounds rather ghastly. Can't you just pick them for me?”

“NO.”

“Really?”

“REALLY.”

“Oh.”

“YES.”

“Well...” Simon hesitated.“Can't I just-”

“CHOOSE.”

“But I'm really not sure what-”

“CHOOSE.”

“That's really not poli-”

“CHOOSE. CHOOSE. CHOOSE,” it said again. The crowd crooned and chanted along with the voice.

Well if that's how they want it, he thought. Then I better try to make something harmless.

“Fine,” he said, and raised his head. “Milkshake, wheelchair, flowerpot, and...”

A gong sounded and a great sigh escaped the crowd above.

“THE CHOICES HAVE BEEN MADE.”

“But I've still another word to say!”

One of the gates across from Simon rumbled open. From the shadows within came a low gurgle followed by heavy breathing. The crowd roared.

“THE MILKSHAKE COMES.”

Out of the gate loomed a monster. It was easily ten feet tall, humanoid, and immensely overweight. It reminded Simon of the Michelin Man, only a lot sweatier. Clutched in one meaty fist was a huge metal pipe with a maze of alien characters stamped onto it. Two moist, red eyes leered at him.

The creature grinned, gurgled, then began shuffling across the sand toward Simon, dragging its truncheon behind it.

“I have to fight that?” Simon shrieked. There was no response from the booming voice. His eyes flickered from the monstrosity coming at him to the screen overhead. “Don't I get a weapon? A hint or something?”

Only the roar of the crowd answered him.

Simon back pedaled away from the white giant, moaning in terror. It was incredibly fat, but its height granted it a lumbering speed and it quickly closed the distance between them. It snarled and raised its arm, bringing its club down in a whistling arc. Simon yelped and tripped more than jumped to one side. Sand burst into the air like the impact from a mortar shell.

Simon shook the sand from his hair and coughed. This is awful, he thought. Then he heard the club rasp against the sandy floor as it rose again and he scrambled to his feet. The Milkshake grinned lopsidedly at him and swung once more. This time the club came around on a horizontal path.

Simon felt a hot wave of terror claw its way up his spine as he stumbled backwards. His death passed by his face in a whoosh of air followed by squeals from the audience. The milkshake grunted with dismay at missing its target again and swayed to one side, taken off-balance by the momentum of its swing.

I have to have something to fight with, Simon thought. He patted his pockets frantically.

Something thin but flexible to the touch brushed against his hand.

“What the...” he said, and pulled the object from his pocket and held it up.

It was a purple novelty straw.

“What the...” he said again before the roar of the crowd broke into his thoughts. His gaze snapped up and he saw The Milkshake grinning down at him, its club at the ready.

Simon dove between its legs as it swung. Sand showered down on him as the club came down and his eyes teared. He coughed again and leaped to his feet with the straw in one hand and stabbed the monster in the back. It groaned and swung a meaty arm at Simon, who dodged it, then clamped his teeth down on the straw. He felt his gorge rise and he shuddered.

This had better work, he thought, and began to drink.

Milky white fluid shot through the straw and into Simon's mouth. He swallowed convulsively, gulping as much of the chalky liquid as fast as he could.The Milkshake emitted a high-pitched shriek and swatted at Simon with its hands. He dug his fingers into the pale flesh and held on. 

Weird moans and gurgles escaped the prodigious beast as it shriveled up like some herculean raisin and slumped to the ground.

Simon got to his feet, panting, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Ew.” He looked up at the screen far above him. “Now what?”

The gong sounded once again and another gate rumbled its way open.

Maniacal laughter and the whine of an electric saw drifted out across the sand.

Simon gripped his crazy straw and waited. One down, two to go.

To Battle the Elements

I was poking around on my external hard drive today and I stumbled across all of my old written work from college. I read a few of them and, surprisingly, I actually liked what I saw. Here is one that I liked, more so for the end thoughts than anything else, and I hope you enjoy it enough that you didn't mind reading it.


To Battle the Elements

Who needs the city?

The musty smell of decaying leaves floated into my nose. I could taste the damp oak and maple leaves underneath my body. Be calm, be patient; I repeated these words to myself as I waited for Matt to come around the corner of the house. The flashlight in his hand created an eerie half light in the trees. Be calm, be patient. I remained still in my place among the brush. I slowed my breathing as he walked closer, blowing my breath into the cool ground to keep it from misting. I heard Matt walking into the trees, taking no time to be stealthy. Be calm, be patient. I shifted slightly to see him circling around behind me.

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Where's Jason?

Five straight days of Indonesia were tucked safely under our belts and into our cameras; it had been a hell of a trip. Seeing as Friday was our last night in Bali we agreed that it should be dominated on all fronts with undeniable style.

We were gonna party our asses off.

Scott was on a collision course with a few bars down the street that would have too many men in attendance for my liking. Apparently, our hotel was right next to the epicenter of that part of town. Maggie said she would be joining the illustrious Scott to observe him on his crusade for sweaty, gin fueled man-on-man adventures.

Jason and I, surprisingly, agreed to find our own entertainment. We jumped into a cab to check out a local club called Double Six. The grapevine had informed us that it was a good place for a couple of blokes on vacation to find some dancing and probably a girl. Maybe two. We planned to try our luck.

A bottle of Bintang passed between us as we recounted some of the more memorable moments of the week. The air conditioner in the aging taxi labored to bring the temperature to a more tolerable level. Then the taxi driver struck up a conversation with us. It began as all the others do with Where are you from? How long have you been in Bali? Where are you staying?, things like that. But then:

"Are you guys interested in getting a massage?"

Jason looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

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Bali

Admittedly, before I went to Indonesia I knew very little about it. The name itself conjured images of komodo dragons, and of dark haired beauties carrying immense baskets of fruit atop their heads. I knew it was a chain of multiple islands, it was the biggest Muslim country in the word, and that it took five hours to fly there from Taipei.

The rest was up for speculation.

We arrived at our resort somewhere around 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday. After several Bintang beers we thought it prudent to take an after-hours, starlit swim in the pool before bedding down for the night.

I awoke on my first morning in Bali to sunshine and blinding heat. Palm fronds waved lazily in the ocean breeze over the thatched roofs of the huts next door, and fishing boats muttered their out in the waves. Everything seemed to be made of greens and blues. The sky was crystal clear and studded with sleepy clouds.

Ahh, paradise.

Clint and I were first to the pool and spent the majority of the day lounging next to the water, sipping cocktails with straw hats and beers from frosted mugs. Boisterous Australian tourists chugged their own drinks and guffawed and swam and watched their pudgy offspring wave red flags to order colas. "Pest Control" for the small army of bees assailing people's drinks consisted of a resort employee walking around with his bee swatter; which was a flap of cardboard smeared with glue. As the sun sank toward the trees we found dinner down the street and sampled some of the local fare. It was an interesting joint, open air dining in the shade, the floor was rough wooden planks, and the bar was big. We grabbed a table and I conquered some amazing (and incredibly spicy) curried chicken and rice wrapped in banana leaves, then ordered my third drink. My head was swimming with good food and a few hours of liquor. It was early for such a heady buzz, the sun being where it was, but I was on vacation.

Our dilemma was what to do with our first night out in Bali. Chris laid out our options. Door number one: a local sports bar with good drinks for good prices; Door number two: a well known dance club in Seminyak named Club 66; And door number three was something else that happened to catch our interest.

Boy George.

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Well, I can safely say that when I initially embarked on my adventure to Asia I never thought I would be writing a blog entry for my two year anniversary. It occurred to me over the weekend that it has been over a year since my last post and, well...that's too bloody long. My last post was about my motorcycle wreck and I have my scars to remind me of that, so I think a new post would do some good.

Where to begin? A year is a long time, especially here; despite the fact that here it seems like someone has their finger on the fast-forward button. I suppose from the beginning(ish) is as good a place as any.

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An overdose of pavement while under the influence of a motorcycle.

I had three hours to burn until I needed to be at work, but what to do? Wednesdays always provide this wonderful dilemma of too much time to myself. Food, I decided, was first on the list. Bowling and some billiards would follow. Yes. Splendid.

Off I went.

I bought it last week, by the way. Two-hundred cc's of iron, steel, and speed; quite an upgrade from an aging 125cc plastic scooter. George I call him, short for George Hanson. He crouched easily on the sidewalk, looking solid and expectant. Nine days of driving had totally convinced me that my scooter was a waste of time; this was what two-wheeled transportation was all about: chrome, gears, and style.

I strode easily across the street, strapping on my helmet as I went. Afternoon sunshine slid hotly down from over the rooftops and onto my bike. I unlocked the bike and it started like a burst of hungry thunder. I backed out and left. The first light ahead of me turned green as I got to it and I went across the intersection with a burst of throttle.

Past the market I went, and then around an old woman on a 50cc junker that belched blue-black smoke like some kind of rotting dragon. A touch of brakes as I went over the canal. The beast beneath me grumbled and I gave it 4th gear.

45km/hr, then 50.

The road was straight and brightly lit by the hazy Asian sun. Traffic was light and the dotted center line skipped past my tires. The next light turned yellow and I slipped past. A few blocks to Chong De Road and then on to Subway.

Hah.

Taiwan is full of tiny intersections that lack both stoplights and stop signs. Instead, they leave right of way and all that important stuff to the judgement of the people on the road, and if you've ever driven in Asia that's not necessarily a good idea. I approached one of these intersections, as I had done a hundred times before, and then, as they say, shit happened.

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A Night in Taipei

At first I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. I was in a hole in the wall bar somewhere in Taipei standing in the endless line for the men's room. A few overhead lamps cast their greasy light on the ten foot drink menu chalk board and puddled around the handfuls of Taiwanese guys that sat at the bar and stood talking in small groups. Cigarrette smoke drifted through the air, creating dirty halos around the few spots of brightness.

It was then, as I considered buying a beer to keep my blood moving (I had three hours yet until the sun came up and the buses to Taichung started running), that Eamon came out of the bathroom. I threw my new Canadian friend the friendly nod and moved up in line. He was still carrying his plastic cup of Guiness from Hell's Kitchen, the previous pub, and seemed to be nursing it.
"Hey man," I said.
"Yo," he replied and leaned toward me. "Lotta guys in here, huh?"

I grinned, but my chuckle quickly died under his pointed stare. He moved off and disappeared down the narrow stairwell that led to the gloomy, basement-like downstairs. My eyes followed him as he went, and then swept the room. Lotta guys in here, huh?

Well, sure. I mean, it's a bar right? It would be hard to find a bar anywhere on a Saturday night without it's fair share of dudes in it. But, something was...odd. A few seconds flashed by and then, zing-pow, the epiphany struck me like the headlight glare of an eighteen-wheeler.

I had thought that the girl to guy ratio was poor, but I was wrong.

It didn't exist.

The door to the bathroom popped open and I hurried inside and slid the minature deadbolt home. A western style toilet squatted on the floor that was covered in that familiar grime of beer, dirt, toilet water, and urine. In the dingy mirror my half-drunk face stared out at me with sardonic humor and a touch of laughter.

Yep. I'm in a gay bar. Sweet.

I heaved a sigh and turned to piss. Steve. Stevie-Steve-Steve, so much explaining you need to do...

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Xin nian kuai le!

Heya folks!

Been awhile...ahem...uh...hi.

Today is just my 2nd day back at Dong Chu branch and its been a little rough getting back into swing of teaching. Oh yea, I had ALL of last week off from work. Nine days in a row with nothing to do but whatever I wanted. Aha! Wonderful.

Friday the 23rd of Jan my vacation officially began. I'm once again taking Chinese classes and it feels good to be back in the class room. In light of the massive upcoming holiday of Chinese New Year (CNY) me, and the other foreigners in my class, tried our hands at chinese calligraphy writing. If you google 'chinese calligraphy' you will find a vast array of beautiful images; chinese characters with some artistic flair are really quite wonderful to look at. I wish I could say that ours came out just as well...

But I'd be lying.

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2009, here I come!

Heya folks!

It's been far too long since my last entry so I'm just going to dive right in. So throw on your gear and get wet.

New Years Eve...holy moly. For the past two years I've had my festivities dampened down or ruined because of my job at the Sheraton. Heh, no longer. Around 10pm that night I arrived at Hotel one, one of the tallest/ritziest hotels in Taichung, in a cab with my Aussie pal Brian. A bottle of McAdams rye whiskey was tucked safely inside my jacket as I strode onto the elevator and hitched a ride to the 27th floor. Articficial smoke shrouded the quiet stage where the Money Shot Horns would rock us into the new year. The bar was upstairs (pictures are coming) and was a big horse shoe surrounded by lounge chairs and low coffee tables complete with candles. Each one was jammed with revelers and spirits were high.

I snagged my two free beers from the bar that my $20 entry ticket got me and cruised around. More people I knew showed up and the crowd in general grew. The band kicked up and kept the atmosphere good and funky with covers of James Brown until the clock struck midnight.

Hooray.

One of my co-workers saw me right after we entered into 2009 and said those fateful words that many of us have heard on these legendary nights of drunken debauchery:

"Nik!"
"Heya! Happy New Year!"
"You too!"
"I need a drink!" I said.
"Tequila shots. Now."

Aw geeze. The "shot" felt like a liter of mexican horror and took two full swallows to conquer. I fared better than most, one unlucky fellow handed his drink off and mumbled something about having to piss. Right. I hope his dinner wasn't expensive.

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Hey Folks,

I hope this entry finds you all safe and sound, warm and indoors and away from the weather! Even though I'm sure you are already getting sick of the cold and the snow, I wish I had some. Just a little.

Does that make me crazy? I don't think so. There's just something fundamentally strange about not having any snow, freezing rain, or even ice on Christmas. I'm wearing sandals and shortsleeves as I write this next to my open window. It's around 70 degrees and sunny here, in Taiwan and as nice as it is...it's also kind of odd.

I just don't feel jolly in weather this warm.

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Road trips and festivals and rashes, oh my!

Hey Folks,

 

This past week has been quite an adventure for both good and bad. First, the bad.

 

Tuesday night, December 2nd, I was conducting and oral exam for one of my upper levels classes. My head itched like mad and I was trying to figure out exactly why when my wrists started to itch. "How bogus!" I thought and pulled my sleeves back to look. Red welt-like spots grinned up at me with malevolent smiles. Bug bites, wonderful. How the hell...

 

Then my elbows itched, then my shoulders, knees, and legs. Something was definitely wrong. Fifteen minutes of itchy misery passed and then the bell for break time sounded and I had ten minutes of free time for investigation. I bolted down to the teacher's bathroom and stripped my shirt off. A circus of raised welts surrounded by red, puffy skin marched its away from my fingertips to my neck and from my thighs to my waist. Fifty minutes of class to go.

 

Awesome.

 

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A lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lot of what-have-yous...

Nimen Hao, wode hao pungyo!

Err...um, sorry.

Hello, my good friends! I hope this entry finds you all doing well and staying warm, I've heard of snow around those parts...yikes.

Speaking of cold weather, I actually had to wear a jacket today for the first time since I came to Taiwan. Up until about a week ago it was still warm enough for shorts and sandals! But, there has been a dramatic shift in temperature and a steady wind has kicked up; combine that with driving at 60km/hr on my scooter and you've just entered jacket country! I'm one of the last, I think. When I was still driving in a t-shirt I saw many a local wearing legit winter coats and gloves and stuff. Reminds me of early autumn back in the US of A, really early autumn. Though, I don't expect any eminent snowfall.

Things have been going very smoothly out here in the freaky-freaky future. I've discovered the wonders of cheap, SUPER cheap bowling. $4US got me shoes and two games on a regular night, not special or anything. Score. I bowled a respectable 153, putting me an easy thirty pins ahead of my foreign cohorts and into the records books...sort of. The bowling alley itself was a treasure straight out of 1979/1980. Complete with mysterious water stains in the drop ceiling tiles and the hordes of older league bowlers all wearing the same maroon polo shirts. Just don't drink the punch.

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Don't Tread On Me

Hey Folks,

This entry is going to take a bit of a break from my normal Taiwanese story-telling, and rightfully so considering the events of the last 24 hours or so.

It has been quite interesting viewing the American election from this far away and surrounded by people that are not from the USA. Literally the whole world has been watching, waiting to see who would be next to lead the most powerful nation on Earth. I hope they have found the result as pleasing as I have.

After eight long years under Mr. Bush, I really can't say that I'm sorry to see him go.
For nearly a decade America's foreign policy has been used like a hatchet instead of a scalpel and our image abroad is horribly tarnished. The theory of trying to meet with other nations on the premise of "do what we want or we won't talk to you" is just plain idiotic. Combine that with W's inability to form a complete sentence and an approval rating that made even Richard Nixon look good and you've got a recipe for disaster. So, it's no surprise that things have turned to such an ugly hue these last few months(I believe James Carville called it "the economic cataclysm"). I couldn't follow someone that made me ashamed to say I was an American because of how he presents my country to the world.

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Orchid Island Day II

Howdy folks,

Day II of OI, as promised, sits below. Forgive any mistake or incoherencies, I woke up on my couch at 6am this morning with no pants on and a light wallet; life in the city.

On Saturday morning I woke up for the day around 8am or so, and crawled out of the tent into the hazy tropical morning. The air was still cool from the night before and a good wind was blowing from the north. Fresh air always makes a hangover feel better. On the ground less than ten feet from tent was Jon, slumbering peacefully in his sleeping bag after a night in the open air. Delightful.

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10/10 Vacation

Hey Folks,

I hope this entry finds you all as well as can be considering the state of affairs back in the US. Good ol' W. sure is leaving a whopper of a problem for our next president, aye?

I'll get right down to it, last weekend was bloody fantastic. October tenth is a holiday here in Taiwan and celebrates the conception of the country, I believe. Anyway, all of us teachers had a nice long three day weekend to enjoy ourselves, from Friday to Sunday. As Saturday is a work day as well over here, for most it was a welcome break (I have the rarity of Saturdays off). Believe you me, we took full advantage of our time off.

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Here we go again

Hey Folks,

This new entry is long overdue and seeing as I don't have class today I figure it's about time I wrote it. Last time I told you about typhoon Sinlaku and the craziness that came out of its visit toTaiwan. Well, typhoon Jingmi is outside my window right now, hanging around like an unwelcome guest. Yesterday the wind was gusting anywhere from 70-100mph+ depending on where you were. I personally witnessed this as me and a couple other guys sat at the "typhoon checkpoint"; a picnic table outside the OK mart down on the street. Crashes and bangs in the distance were frequent, tree branches flew by us a few times, and a scooter tipped over. The sign for the Ji- pai dude (deep fried chicken breast) was shaking and shucking and jiving in the ridiculous wind the whole afternoon to the point where we moved the table in case it fell over.

Which it did about two hours later.

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Into the Maelstrom

Hey Folks,

Things have gotten a little crazy around here on account of Typhoon Sinlaku making landfall over the weekend. Friday was a more or less normal day of class, a bit windy and just a smattering of rain after the sun went down. Well, maybe more than a bit windy. I stood next to an open window in my apartment with a sock in my hand to test the breeze that was coming in (har har get it? wind sock) and it was horizontal and flying around like an epileptic in a disco.

Friday night I went out with a bunch of other Hess teachers to Jogoya, a restaurant on the 11th floor of Taichung Central, a mall type place. I parked my scooter in the basement, expecting I could get it the next morning/afternoon. Dinner was a bit pricey, 636 NT per person ($1US = 30NT) but holy cow was it worth it.

All you can eat, all you can drink. Score.

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Buy the ticket, take the ride.

Ni Hao,

First and foremost, my flickr photos are up and the URL follows for those of you that haven't seen it: http://www.flickr.com/weissinternational.com, or just click the purdy flowers over yonder. ---------->

Check it.

Compared to my first two weeks in Taichung, the last has been rather mellow, which is a nice change. Nearly a month of teaching done and I'm feel fine. Today was payday; a very fine day as my funds have started to run a bit low. A small paycheck (only two weeks or so) is still better than no paycheck at all.

New news.

I finally took a trip outside the city and into the country that surrounds Taichung. Yikes. I thought the city roads were pretty crazy because of the endless amounts of scooters and cars filled with people that can't drive; not to mention buses and maniacal taxi drivers. But let me tell you, if driving in the city is stressful, driving on a mountain road in Taiwan could make your hair fall out.

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Workin' Man

Hey Folks,

The word 'busy' is defined by www.dictionary.com as:

1. not at leisure; otherwise engaged
2. to keep occupied; make or keep busy

Yea, I've been busy. With nearly two weeks of actual in-classroom teaching experience under my belt now, I'm feeling pretty good. Much better than the intense stress-fest of my first few days, where planning for every lesson felt like an emotional and academic Armageddon that lasted all day. I might even say that I'm really beginning to enjoy teaching

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